Looking back: the year 2009 will be long remembered 'round these parts, If Luxembourg was Switzerland's nemesis in 2008, this was the year in which Libya was the country beginning with 'L' that tried to ruin our Alpine peace.

Author:De Faoite, Diarmuid
Position:Humour
 
FREE EXCERPT

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

Let's recap how the Swiss hostage situation in Libya unfolded. Surely the year's leading story ...

Libya has hated the West ever since Doc Brown stole plutonium from them in 1985 for his time-travelling DeLorean. Unable to catch Doc and Marty McFly, in 2008 Libya took two Swiss people hostage in their place. That same year Geneva police arrested Hannibal Gaddafi on suspicion of having a funny name.

In 2009 things got nasty with Swiss President Merz pretending to like Colonel Gaddafi only for the dictator to see through the cunning Swiss plan. The federal jet flew to Libya and came home empty so many times that even the Greens saw red.

In the summer Gaddafi proposed to the UN that Switzerland be chopped up and divided between its neighbouring countries. Luckily he forgot that diplomats like having a country to stash their cash in, so his plan went nowhere.

January

Swiss police use Google Earth to find a 7,500-[m.sup.2] illegal marijuana plantation site in Canton Thurgau. (You might not think it since you can smell it everywhere--but yes--marijuana is illegal here.) The Swiss police are also fans of Facebook, Twitter and YouTube--but for personal use only.

February

Swiss voters bravely agree to extend key labour accords with the European Union and risk oversized black ravens pecking at them.

April

Appenzell bans naked hiking. Sometimes this column just writes itself!

The bear pit in Bern loses its last resident to euthanasia and closes for good. Pedro, a 28-year-old brown bear, was put to sleep, ending a nearly 500-year-old tradition. Officials fear an increase in bear death tourism to Switzerland. The WWF calls for restrictions on pandas entering the country to help stem their falling numbers. The Swiss Foreign Office responds by introducing visa restrictions for Libyan bears only.

August

Due to melting glaciers, the border between Switzerland and Italy is redrawn. The Swiss border shifts up to 164 yards (150 metres) into Italian territory in some areas. Let's be honest, only Switzerland could capture foreign territory without waging war...

To continue reading

REQUEST YOUR TRIAL