Do you speak German? Proper German? Every 15 minutes a German immigrates to Switzerland. This frightening statistic would be even more shocking if it were true. Nonetheless, it is correct to say that a lot of Germans have moved to Switzerland since a bilateral deal was arranged with the EU in record time.
| Auteur | De Faoite, Diarmuid |
How did it happen that such a one-sided deal was reached? The minutes of the closed-door negotiation meetings between Switzerland and the EU delegation have been leaked to Swiss News. The following extract is explosive stuff:
EU: Let EU citizens in, or we'll make you give up your banking secrecy laws and do lots of other terrible stuff to you.
Switzerland: Welcome to Switzerland my European friends!
EU: By the way, the Swiss town of Champagne can no longer use the name Champagne for its sparkling wine.
Switzerland: Why are you being so nasty to us?
EU: We're the EU. We only pick fights we can win. So what are you going to do about it, huh? Sorry? What was that? Yeah thought so, you're no match for us!
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Unfortunately, the presence of so many Germans has sparked resentment among some Swiss who worry that their visitors' German-speaking, sausage-eating, punctual and ordered way of living will cause the destruction of Swiss culture. (Come again???)
Plain speaking
Due to a crazy quirk in Swiss society, Germans are better at speaking one of Switzerland's official languages than the Swiss themselves. (This language is of course High German. It used to be that High German was a standardised language you learned, now it is what you say to a new work colleague when you're introduced to them for the first time--Hi German.)
This situation causes some resentment. When a German speaks up at a meeting, the Swiss have to content themselves with seething in silence, like they used to in school when the clever kid was answering all the teacher's questions.
In addition, it is tiring for a Swiss person to keep speaking High German all day. You can often see Swiss people reading books in English on public transport. It is impossible to tell whether this is because they want to show off their English skills...
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