For whom the bell tolls: sandwiched between the asparagus- and the wild-game seasons, in the sweltering heat of summer, you'll find another well-known season that isn't just confined to Switzerland. Yes folks, it's wedding time again!(humour)

Auteurde Faoite, Diarmuid

[ILLUSTRATION OMITTED]

If you've been invited to attend a church wedding here, then you've already missed your friend's first wedding. This is because by the time they make it to the altar, most Swiss are already on their second marriage, having had the civil ceremony a few days before the religious one. Church and State are separate in Switzerland (except when the State collects taxes for the Church).

Unfavourable odds

The good news is, don't worry if you don't like the person your friend is marrying. With Swiss divorce rates at around 48 per cent, there is an excellent chance they won't be around for long: in fact, the odds are similar to those of correctly picking red or black on a roulette wheel. By marrying in Switzerland, you're basically placing your life (savings) on the spin of a wheel ... you foolhardy people!

Everyone joins a club over here. Ostensibly, this is in order to meet people or to pursue a hobby. In reality, it is because they don't want to walk out on their wedding day--having exchanged vows--without at least 20 people in wetsuits from their diving club forming a guard of honour.

It is at weddings in Switzerland, when you really learn your position in the bride and groom's estimation. This is especially clear when you are a B-list party guest: this is the happy couple's way of saying, "Thanks very much for coming to our apero and for the lovely present. Please help yourself to some white wine, cheese and crackers for half an hour; then would you mind buggering off, so we can go to dinner with our real friends? Thanks."

The price of wedded bliss

It may seem as if they are being inhospitable, but in...

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