Batman (and Beatles) need not apply: there are no Swiss superheroes for the simple reason that we all possess superpowers over here. We may not be able to stop a speeding bullet, but we can stop a speeding Ferrari simply by stepping out in front of it on a zebra crossing. That's why even Swiss nerds feel empowered! Here are some more things I have learnt while living in Switzerland.

Author:De Faoite, Diarmuid
Position:Humour
 
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It is hard not to see The Beatles' famous Abbey Road album cover as a cry for help in getting a visa to live in Switzerland--with all four mop-tops advancing their case for the favourable resident tax status, by showing how quickly they would be able to integrate into life over here (the bit of French in Michelle is another clue). However, their plans for gaining Swiss residency were scuppered after sharp-eyed Swiss officials spotted the incorrectly parked car on the album cover and suspected it of belonging to one of the band members. Things spiralled out of control for the "Fab Four" soon afterwards, with even Ringo being allowed to write songs.

This was a pity because The Beatles' shaggy hairstyle would not have looked out of place, even in contemporary Switzerland. A lot of Swiss cut their own hair rather than pay the outrageous prices charged by hairdressers. Unfortunately, this shows, and it only helps to integrate the nerds into society! (Yes, I am nerd-bashing this month. Why? Because they are the demographic least likely to do anything to me about it. Any further questions?)

Old age is no excuse

What is kind of scary, is not the number of old people here (although there are a lot--I am sure that Switzerland must look like a grey blob to astronauts aboard the International Space Station), but how darn fit the elderly are! I was recently trying to get up a steep hill (this excursion was not my idea, of course; it was someone Swiss who had hauled me up there) and was passed by any number of old people, all of whom cheerily shouted Gruezi at me. How I hated them ... and then, in a Eureka moment, I...

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